Ashley Bustamante

Over the years my family has raised sheep on my parent’s mini farm. It has been a good experience overall, and having new lambs in the spring is always a joy.  One hard, sad fact of raising sheep (or any animal) is that you’ll sometimes lose babies.  We have lost a few over the years, sometimes stillborn, sometimes born so weak we are unable to save them despite attempts to nurse them back to full strength.  This is always heartbreaking and you never really get used to it.  In all the years of doing this, we have never lost a mama…until this year.  We lost two.  The first, Penny, had a prolapsed uterus, which is nearly always fatal to livestock.  Even after carefully following instructions from the vet, we lost her.  Sometimes there is just nothing you can do.  It was especially sad because this was Penny’s first baby, and she was such a great mom in the short time she had.  She was so attentive to her little one and knew just what to do. Even when she was in terrible pain, she was concerned for her baby.  The second mama, Shy-doo, had mastitis.  She has had this happen before, but never so severe.  Despite treatment and care, she succumbed to infection.  Losing these sheep was a whole new level of heartache, because you not only lose the mama, but have babies left behind who don’t understand what is going on.  Seeing these three little lambies cry and cry for their mamas is enough to tug at anyone’s heartstrings.

I mentioned earlier what a good mama Penny was.  Some might think that the mothering instinct would just come natural to any animal, but we have seen this isn’t always the case.  For example, one mom, Athena, had no maternal instinct whatsoever.  She put her needs before the needs of her babies.  Always.  She had no qualms about trampling them to get to the grain bucket or butting them away if she didn’t feel like nursing. We would often end up holding her still so that the babies could eat, but she would still attempt to kick them away.  It was also not uncommon for her to leave her babies behind in the field and ignore their cries.  One year in her carelessness she broke her baby’s leg by stepping on it.  Another year we were devastated to find that she had squished her baby overnight by laying on top of it. Needless to say we stopped breeding her, because she obviously wasn’t cut out for motherhood and had no desire for it.  Cheerio, on the other hand, was probably the best mama we had in all our years of breeding sheep. She was incredibly attentive and careful with her babies.  I can’t recall ever having a problem with her.  It was so sweet to see her reach back and lick her babies while they nursed, or watch her waking up during nap times to check that they were still by her side.  She loved being a mom.  It was in her nature to nurture.

I hope my mom won’t take offense to being compared to a sheep, but she is definitely a Cheerio.  I consider this high praise. She takes care of people.  She nurtures.  She always has.  I have watched her serve others my whole life, and always doing so with compassion.  I think about the people in the world who grew up with Athenas for moms, and my heart breaks for them.  I’m very fortunate to have grown up with a mom who is loving and who always looked out for her kids. She still does. And now she has 3 little lambies in her care.  I think Shy-doo and Penny couldn’t have asked for better hands for their little ones to be placed in.

So this is a late Mother’s Day shout-out for moms everywhere– especially moms like mine. Without them, we would all be lost little lambs.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit an elementary school to read A Lamb and a Llama to the kindergarten and first grade.  It was such a rewarding and wonderful experience!  I still don’t really think of myself as “an author,”  but those kids sure did.  The teacher who set up the event notified me ahead of time that the kids were going to think of me as a celebrity, and she wasn’t kidding.  I went out to meet them as they were coming in from recess, and I was very surprised to hear my name excitedly shouted, accompanied by all kinds of ecstatic chatter.  They were so cute and sweet and I just wanted to give each and every one of them a hug.

The reading went very well, and I got such positive responses.  Hearing positive feedback from adults is great, but the story was written for children.  So it’s an incredible feeling to see the people you wrote the book for so excited about the story.  The teachers opened up the floor for questions and comments after the reading, and the very first response was, “I liked that story!”  Almost enough to bring me to tears!  And of course, since it was a kindergarten class, they weren’t always on track, so I got lots of other comments like, “I like your eyes” or “My mom has those shoes” or “I have a cousin named Ashley.”  They made me smile and I wished I could get into their heads to see the way those thoughts were jumping around, because I’m sure the responses that seemed random and off-topic to us made perfect sense to them. The first-graders were a little more on track and asked me questions about how long it took to write the book, what a typical day of an author is like, (a bit hard to tell them I still go to work every day and don’t make any money!) as well as how to get ideas for writing.  After the reading, the kids were asked to write and/or draw stories of their own.  It was adorable to see how many of them were writing stories about llamas.  One little girl was carefully copying down the text from my book and said happily,  “I’m writing YOUR book!”  Some people might call that plagiarism, but at that age we’ll call it precious.  I was touched by it.   

It felt weird to be answering questions about being an author and seeing child-like scribbles of things inspired by my story scattered throughout the classroom.  But it does make you see that kids really look up to people who they see as achieving an ambitious goal.  For some of those kids, being an author was the coolest thing in the world, and here was a person in front of them who got there.  For this reason, I think it’s crucial that we always present a positive example to kids, no matter what our career path or goals are.  You never know who is going to be watching you.  There is so much negative in the world today. Why not combat the negative with positive?  Help kids see that they can do what they want to do if they work hard.  Seeing all those bright-eyed, happy faces in the classroom, soaking up information like a sponge, I knew each of them could have a glowing future ahead with the right guidance and support. I really hope they all get it.  

My youngest brother recently recommended we watch the documentary “Catfish.”  After viewing it, I’ve decided anyone who uses the internet (which should be anyone reading this post!) should watch it.  It is fascinating, and a bit troubling.  It documents the story of an online relationship from start to finish. I won’t go into too many details because I don’t want to spoil the experience for anyone who decides to see it, but let’s just say that not everything is as it appears.

These days, practically everyone in the US uses the internet.  I remember when it was new and uncommon.  Now people can’t seem to live without it.  But because everyone is online, this means that the majority of internet users, statistically, must be everyday people.  Most of people you interact with online are probably who they say they are and what they say about their life is likely accurate for the most part.  It can be a great tool for making connections in with people you likely never would have come into contact with before.  However, the anonymity of the internet also opens up the door for a lot of dishonesty and shady behavior.  Individuals who were already predisposed to this kind of behavior will flock to the internet for whole new levels of deception.  This is where one has to be careful.  While the internet is home to friends, family, neighbors and good people of all sorts, it is also home to stalkers, pedophiles, scammers, and bad people of all sorts.  

The scariest part of this is that sometimes it’s so hard to tell if you’re being fooled.  How do you really KNOW if the information someone is presenting to you on the internet is true?  It’s so easy to lie and make up stories when you feel you can’t be found out.  Sometimes something will automatically set off warning bells and you know a person’s behavior is fishy.  Other times the person is a pro at deception.  For some, their rule of thumb is you don’t know who you can trust on the internet, so don’t trust anyone at all.  I tend to just use a degree of caution with any information I give out.  I never reveal personal information on web forums and try not to mention anything in my posts that could be used to identify me.  If someone is asking me for information, be it a seller on craigslist or someone interested in my work, I google them first and attempt to find out if they are who they claim to be.  Even this can be misleading, because some people are so elaborate in their false identities that they take great pains to establish their fake online persona in a number of places on the internet. I remember before we got our dog and we were looking for puppies, I was contacted by a number of scammers.  Some of them really seemed legitimate, but I was always able to find one or two details that set off red flags.  One person even went as far as to create a whole website so that they looked like a legitimate breeder.  It was only through extensive research that I figured out they were fake.  

Do any of you have stories about a time you were fooled by someone online when you thought they were legitimate?  Or do you have tips on how to keep yourself and your family members safe from people online with bad intentions?

There is an old saying that goes, “Little pitchers have big ears.”  What does this gibberish mean, you ask?  It is essentially a “code” for adults– a warning to be careful of what you say, because little ears are listening in.  This is a good warning, because I think sometimes we don’t realize just how much those little ears are hearing.  Many times they hear things we wish they didn’t.

My 3-year-old nephew’s ears are always listening.  Even if you think he isn’t paying attention, he has been known to suddenly ask questions about what you are saying or bring up a conversation later.  A good example of this was a time where my husband jokingly said he was going to play “the knife game” with us while we were chopping things for dinner.  The knife game isn’t a real thing, and definitely not the type of activity any of us would engage in if it was!  Suddenly my nephew, who had been across the room happily absorbed in toys, ran over to my husband and excitedly asked, “What’s the knife game?”  We had to quickly explain to him that there is no knife game–we don’t play with knives.  It was something his uncle said to be silly.  This was not something we would have wanted him to hear because we don’t want him ever getting the idea that knives are a thing to play with.  But it was said, and he heard it and wondered about it even though we had no idea he was paying attention to us.

I think a lot of times as adults, we get used to talking around kids as if they’re not present.  It just happens.  When they’re babies, we can say anything we want because they don’t understand.  When they start getting older and comprehending more, we’ve already gotten into that habit of saying what we want in adult conversation and assuming the kids won’t listen or understand.  But oftentimes they are hearing and understanding a lot more than we think. 

What sort of messages do our kids get from our day-to-day conversations?  Do they hear us using kind words or speaking crudely?  Do they hear things that might be upsetting or confusing to a young child? I wonder what sort of conversation kids would hear if adults were always mindful of the little pitchers in the room.

Do any of you have a good story of a time you discovered a child was listening when you thought they weren’t?  Or a time they heard something you wish they hadn’t?  Share in the comments!

This was an entry I promised a long time ago, so I apologize for the delay.  I’m going to talk about a few of the things I’ve learned while going throughout this experience.

BEWARE OF SCAMS
I’ve spent several years researching different publishing options.  Like hundreds of thousands of others, I had a dream of seeing something of mine published. I have learned that there a lot of places out there looking to take advantage of people who have that dream.  I remember the first time I experienced one of these companies–it was after I submitted a poem somewhere as a teenager.  I was delighted to receive an email from them saying that they wanted to publish MY poem in their book!  All I had to do was send a check to….wait a minute?  They want me to buy their book?  Well, small price to pay to be published, right?  I still clung to the hope that it was legitimate, but after my mom and I did some research, we could see we had been duped.  Beware of any company that promises to publish you after you give them money.  A legitimate publisher will not charge you a penny.  Many of these scam companies are vanity presses masking as a trade publisher.  Printing at a vanity press is a great way to get your book off the ground sometimes, but only if you know it’s a vanity press off the bat and are aware of what you’re committing to.  The shady companies want people to think they are a legitimate trade publisher, often going as far as having a “competitive” submission process and official looking acceptance letters.  Do not be fooled!  If they start asking you for money, run as fast as you can!  Some of these companies offer helpful services (for a hefty fee) but personally I wouldn’t trust any company that claims to be something it isn’t and relies on deception to make money.

ILLUSTRATING HELPS
If you want to submit a children’s book to a smaller publishing house and you can draw, take a crack at illustrating your own work.  Many smaller publishers who don’t have their own pool of artists prefer to deal with people who both write and illustrate their books. Why?  Because it’s less complicated.  You don’t have to worry about conflict of interest or complaints over who gets paid more.  It also saves the hassle of having to contract out another illustrator.  If your illustrating work isn’t up to professional standard, however, best to hire another illustrator.  You want to present your work well and some publishers won’t bother looking at a poorly illustrated book, even if the story has merit. Also keep in mind, however, that some publishing houses have their own artists in house and won’t use anyone else.  They may accept your story, but have their own artist recreate the illustrations.  If you are really attached to your illustrations, make sure you choose a publisher who allows you to pick your artist.

PRESENTATION
Everything you’ve been told is a lie– people DO judge a book by its cover!  No matter how much you fiddle with your book before submitting it, a professional publisher will always know how to make it look better.  People in the industry will pay attention to everything from the font to the book’s spine.  It’s all important.  I thought I had done a good job designing my book when I had it printed at a vanity press prior to its acceptance, but the final project that my publisher put together was beautiful.  They did things I wouldn’t have even thought to do on my own.  Trust your publisher–they know what they are doing!

MARKETING
I’ve learned that marketing is a funny thing.  There were things we changed here and there just to make the book more appealing that made me laugh.  It’s all about what people want. I’ve also learned that the actual printing of the book doesn’t take that much time.  The time from the book’s acceptance to its release is mainly spent on marketing and promotion.  I had never realized it before, but it makes sense.  There are a lot of books out there and you have to work if you want yours noticed.  You also have to make sure you are targeting the right audience.  If you are writing a cute, sweet, children’s book, don’t waste your time pitching it to people who can’t stand kids and don’t believe “children” and “literature” belong in the same sentence.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
Submission guidelines DO matter.  Many publishers won’t even look at something if it doesn’t follow their submission guidelines.  If a publisher says no illustrations, they mean no illustrations.  If you’re unhappy with that, look to submit elsewhere.  If you’ve written a novel and the publisher only wants 3 chapters, do not send the whole novel.  You are not going to impress anyone that way.  They don’t care how big the novel is–they are focusing on a small piece of the content to see if the idea has potential.  Keep in mind that if they only want a portion of the novel, you don’t necessarily have to stick to the first three chapters.  Pick a consecutive section of the book that you think is most compelling (unless the submission guidelines state otherwise).

AGENT OR NO AGENT?
Do you HAVE to hire an agent to get published?  The answer is no. I didn’t have an agent, but it all depends on what you want.  If you want to be published by a large publishing house, then you most likely will need an agent.  Most of the bigger publishing houses won’t accept unsolicited manuscripts.  An important thing to remember– a legitimate agent will NOT ask you for money until they’ve sold your book to a publisher.  If someone is asking you for money just to look for a publisher for you, stay far away.  The agent essentially works off of commission– if they don’t find you a publisher, you don’t give them a cent.  This also means that an agent might turn down your book.  If they don’t see merit in it or feel they can sell it, they won’t want to waste their time.  Don’t resent them for this–if the agent isn’t interested, the publisher might not be either, so this can be a good indicator that you need to revisit your work and see what isn’t working.  All that said, there is no shame in skipping the agent route and looking for smaller publishing houses.  In some cases, this is the best way to get your foot in the door.  Small publishers can be great if you want more input in the book, as well.  This isn’t guaranteed, but true in many cases.  The trade-off for this is that marketing and sales is more work for a smaller company, but don’t worry.  They’re still awesome.

I’m sure I haven’t covered everything that I’ve learned.  I should have taken better notes!  However, I’m opening up for questions.  Is there anything you would like to ask?  Or, do you have helpful advice you’d like to share?

P.S.– Don’t forget about my ongoing contest!  Check out last week’s post for details.

Today is the official release date of my children’s book, A Lamb and a Llama. To celebrate, it’s contest time!

Here’s how it works– Once the Facebook page hits 100 likes, I will do a drawing for a signed paperback copy of the book (winner selected from those who like the page).  At 500 likes, I’ll do a drawing for signed copies of both the hardback and paperback edition.  And finally, at 1000 likes, the winner will get signed copies of both books, plus a $25 Amazon.com gift card.

Liking the Facebook page is the official entry, however you can earn additional entries using the form on the Facebook page (under the Contest tab). So head on over to the contest page to get started.

Blog, tweet, share– each person you share with who likes the page brings you closer to winning.

Happy Book Release Day, everyone!

She’s staring at me.

My dog stares.  Well, every dog, or every living creature perhaps, stares.  But I’m talking about “the” stare.  My husband knows exactly the one I’m talking about– the one where you look over and suddenly she’s laying there with her head down, watching you.  She doesn’t move.  She doesn’t blink.  If you get up and move she’ll follow you with her eyes, but is otherwise completely still.  This isn’t something that lasts for just a minute or two.  She’ll keep at it as long as she can.  The longest stare so far was nearly two hours.

It’s very hard to break her out of the stare once she’s in it.  The photo in this post was taken when I was snapping pictures of her for a popcorn seasoning contest (totally won, by the way!) and she suddenly broke into the stare.  Fortunately I got what I needed before that, because she was stuck in the stare after that and all the remaining pictures I took at that time are of the stare.

Sometimes I see her doing the stare and say “Why are you looking at me like that?”  Obviously it’s no use asking her.  She just keeps staring.  But I would like to know what’s going through her head and why she insists on watching me so closely.  If she wasn’t my cuddly, loveable dog, I’d be terrified.

You know, normally I have some anecdote or point to these stories.  Not this time.  Nope.  My dog just stares.  

She’s still staring.

No, I’m not talking about the artist here.  I’m talking about the llama.  Picasso is the main subject of my book, A Lamb and a Llama, and he really existed.  We brought Picasso to my parent’s farm when he was still a baby, along with his half-brother, Apollo.  I loved those llamas!  Apollo had a quiet, majestic nature about him, and Picasso was an attention hog.  He loved to follow me around the field and hum at me if he felt I wasn’t giving him sufficient attention.  If I ignored him long enough he would start nudging me with his nose.  Sometimes I ignored him on purpose just because I thought it was so cute when he did that.  Mean of me, I know.  But I always gave him his fair share of scratching behind his ears after he implored me long enough.

Many people don’t know that llamas make excellent watch animals.  Like Picasso in the book, they take note of the normal inhabitants of their home.  If an intruder arrives, they’ll chase the intruder away and sometimes sound an alarm call.  Our llamas knew exactly what animals were supposed to be on the farm and which ones weren’t.  We had stray dogs and coyotes chased from the field on multiple occasions.  We knew our animals were safe with the llamas around!

When spring came, the llamas were introduced to lambs for the first time.  They sniffed and sniffed and sniffed the first time they saw them, and finally gave what I have deemed the “snort of approval.”  Oftentimes when llamas are meeting a new animal, they will sniff them over and over, and when they feel they have sufficiently gotten to know the new animal, they snort.  After the snort has been given, the animal is part of the family, or at least a friend.  After the snort of approval, the llamas ignored the lambs for awhile until it was time to let them into the pasture.  Then the llamas went crazy.  Seeing those little lambs jumping around looked like great fun–after all, the llamas were still babies themselves (even though they were huge)!  They wanted to run and kick up their heels with the lambs, but the mother sheep would have none of that.  Soon they started butting the llamas away.  I felt sorry for the llamas, but it was probably with good reason that the sheep kept them away.  Though they wouldn’t have hurt the lambs on purpose, it easily could have happened because of the size difference.  So the llamas went back to ignoring the lambs and acted annoyed when they got too close.

Then came the day the lamb got loose.  One day one of the lambs found a hole in the fence and got on the other side.  The little lamb panicked and cried and cried. The llamas went nuts.  They knew this was not right and that the lamb needed help.  After we brought the little lamb back, Picasso decided he had a new duty.  He stuck to that lamb like glue.  Apollo was diligent keeping watch as well, but Picasso was the one I would see following the lambs around closely.  The mama sheep decided it was ok for the llamas to be around their lambs after that, and it wasn’t uncommon to see them off grazing in the pasture while the llamas stayed with the lambs.  They became the designated babysitters.

Sadly both Picasso and Apollo have passed since then, but I sure do miss them.  They gave us a wonderful story to remember, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to share Picasso with the world. Everyone needs a little llama love in their life!

The story has been altered and simplified for children, of course, but I think the essence of it is still there.  I hope you’ll check it out and enjoy it!

When I was in first grade, we had reading time for 30 minutes every day.  During this reading time, I only read picture books.  Day in and day out I pulled picture books off the shelf and read them one after the other.  After this had been going on for awhile, I was put in a remedial reading class.  This was fine with me, because I loved to read!  I didn’t quite understand what was going on and I didn’t know why I was reading  books with 3 or 4 words on a page when I hadn’t read books like that since preschool.  However, it got me out of other stuff I didn’t want to do and I figured I must be there for a reason, so I never said anything.

Here’s the thing– while all of this was going on, not one of the teachers ever bothered to ask me why I only read picture books during reading time.  They just assumed that it was because I couldn’t read at a higher level and needed extra help.  This was not the case at all.  I read chapter books at home with no problems, and always read my older brother’s books.  I checked out higher-level reading books at the library and read kid’s encyclopedias.  If they had actually taken the time to ask me, they would have learned the real reason–I didn’t like reading chapter books during reading time because I hated not being able to finish the whole story.  I didn’t like having to put the book down, and since we had to leave the books on the shelf, there was a chance that another child would grab it the next day and I wouldn’t get to keep reading where I left off.  So for me, the easy solution was to read short books that I could get through during reading time.

Before too long the teachers figured out that I didn’t have a hard time reading.  I was taken out of the remedial class and I was encouraged to pick up chapter books during reading time.  Eventually I discovered that having to take breaks in the middle of a story wasn’t the end of the world. I even learned that some of the chapter books were short enough that I could get through them during reading time.  A book called The Kid in the Red Jacket was one of those.  I don’t remember thinking the story was that great, but I read it a lot because it was short enough (and I also liked the way the pages felt…is that strange?).

The point of all this is that we really need to try and listen to kids more and actually ask them about the motivations behind what they are doing.  I don’t think we give kids enough credit in terms of how much they understand and what they think about.  It’s not that my teachers were bad teachers–I loved them!  But I was put somewhere I didn’t need to be because they didn’t do something as simple as asking “Why do you only read picture books?”  A decision was made based on assumptions, but how can we really know what kids are thinking if we don’t talk to them?

I can think of a perfect example of this.  There was a period of time where my three-year-old nephew would respond, “Whatever!” whenever he got in trouble for something.  To us as adults, we thought he was giving us an attitude and essentially saying he didn’t care.  However this seemed like such an out-of-character response from a child who normally listens well and tries to behave.  Eventually after another burst of “Whatever!” his dad asked him what that meant.  The response surprised us all– “It means I’m kind of worried because you’re mad at me.”  So what we took to be attitude was actually my nephew feeling anxious about being in trouble. Had his dad not asked, we never would have known.

Kids listen, and they think, and they feel.  They have their own little personalities and motivations for doing things.  They may not think like adults, but that’s all the more reason to communicate!  We may not always agree with a child’s actions, but we can at least try to understand them.  So next time you get a “Whatever!” in life, try asking about it to see what’s really up.

Have any of you had new revelations by asking your kids a question?

Last week we went as a family to see Wicked.  It was so much fun being there with my parents and siblings and we had a wonderful time.  The cast was excellent, and the show was outstanding.  Highly recommended.  If you have the opportunity to see it, do it!

This was my second time seeing Wicked.  Seeing it the second time around reminds me of one of the reasons I love live theater so much.  Even when you see the same show, you really get a different show every time.  The cast changes, and it’s fascinating to observe the different spins that each actor or actress puts on their character. For example, the actress who played Glinda this time  around and the actress who played her the first time I saw the show played her very differently.  They both did a wonderful job, and had the same lines, of course, but they were different.

My absolute favorite musical is The Phantom of the Opera.  I have been fortunate enough to see it live 4 times (and I’d happily see it again right now if I had the chance!)  I’ll also admit I’ve peeked at some bootleg scenes on Youtube of actors I didn’t have the opportunity to see live, such as the magnificent Michael Crawford.  If someone invents a time machine, one of the first things I want to do is go see him as Phantom live, so somebody get on that!

Time machines aside, each of the times I have seen Phantom has been different in terms of character portrayal.  Phantom is an iconic show that has been running for 25 years, so you would think there would be sort of a cookie-cutter formula in place, but each actor has their own little subtleties.  And what I think is amazing is that even seeing the same cast, you can get a different show.  Stage actors must always be alert and focused, because you never know what’s going to happen in a live show, so they have to be able to adapt to a variety of situations.  Someone could forget a line, forcing others to improvise.  Props could malfunction. Or the understudy or alternate could be on and play a character differently, which might in turn make other characters respond differently.  Live theater, even within the same show, is always dynamic and changing.  For me, that’s part of what makes it so enjoyable.

One example of this was seeing the same Phantom on two separate nights and a different Raoul each night.  The first actor for Raoul played a more timid character, and the Phantom pretty much walked all over him.  The second actor for Raoul played a much more arrogant, forceful character, and so the actor for the Phantom adjusted and seemed to be more intimidated.  That’s great acting right there!  You have to BE the character and think of how they might respond in different situations depending on how the other characters behave toward them. I just have a great admiration for brilliant live actors and I don’t really understand why film actors get paid so much more.

The concept of live acting applies to the real world. Throughout our lives we may come across similar situations, but have slightly (or extremely) different outcomes.  We are the actors in our own stories and we have a big impact on how things play out. In our daily encounters, do we treat people nicely or give them the cold shoulder?  Do we live the same day-to-day or mix things up?  Our actions in turn, impact the actions of those around us. So the question is, what kind of story do we want our life to be?

I would love to hear your examples of how the behavior of someone else impacted you, or even just fun theater stories.